The Fiftieth Question: What It Means For It To Be (Or Not To Be) Meant To Be
Picking a fairly common conversation starter as an entry point for self-exploration this week.
Hope you’ve enjoyed our love month, and that it has taught you something you’ll be able to bring to your relationships, either with yourself or with others. As we prepare for March I’m not sure if there’s a monthly theme in place yet or not. Guess I’ll figure that out when I put together next month’s Monthly Mental Note (a paid subscriber perk)!
Answering the Question: Saying I Love You
My interaction with last week’s prompt led to lots of mini-revelations and observations about my relationship to the phrase, and less overarching themes. Maybe your experience was the same. But here’s a peak at what I put pencil to paper on:
The phrase passes my lips often, and it’s not something I’ve ever been afraid to say. To friends, to family, to partners. Saying it has never felt uncomfortable.
In friendships, I absolutely say it more to women than to men. While I do tell my male friends I love them, my reflection is that I save it more for special moments or occasions than I do my female friends, who get told it all the time. And on the receiving end, I get it more from women than I do men as well.
With men, and I know I’m not the first to observe this, I have the tendency to try to cut the vulnerability of the phrase by turning it into “I love ya” and/or adding a bud, buddy, bro, or man afterward. Why do we men do that? Is it to address a subconscious fear of being perceived as romantically or sexually interested in our friend? Because we’re just uncomfortable sharing the phrase and this takes some of that discomfort away? I can’t say I’m sure, but it’s something I’m continuing to think about.
Something else I noticed is the difference between saying “Love You” and “I Love You.” It’s subtle, but dropping the “I” is probably a tactic to, again, take some of the discomfort away from the phrase by removing yourself from it. This creates space between the speaker and the speaker’s feelings. For those who have a hard time saying those words, this might make it easier for them.
How about you? Share some of your observations in the comments.
The Fiftieth Question: Is It Destiny?
You might not want to let your partner sneak a peek at your journal after looking at this week’s prompt.
Do you believe in soulmates?
This is always a fun conversation starter with others, but it might be interesting for you to sit with this for yourself and see what it’s likely to meaningfully explore. I know my answer, but I’m interested to discover what else that answer might reveal about my relationship to love. Thinking about follow-on questions like:
How does your answer impact the way you approach relationships?
How have the relationships you have had impacted the way you answered this question?
What would it mean for you, and for your relationships, if the inverse of your belief was true (e.g. if you believe in soulmates, what might it change about your relationship(s) if soulmates aren’t real)?
Are soulmates meant to last forever or for a moment?
Can friends be soulmates, or just romantic partners?
This Week’s Jam: “I Wanna Be Your Lover”
The song that marked his arrival. While it’s not his first single, and not even from his first album, “I Wanna Be Your Lover” is the song that, for all intents and purposes, served as Prince’s entry to the scene of American music.
Prince’s album For You was his proper debut, which came out in 1978. The lead single, “Soft & Wet,” earned a bit of acclaim, but barely cracked the music charts. At best, the album, and song, were minor hits. But with the self-titled Prince, released in 1979, The Purple One began making his mark in music history.
The song would reach #11 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts and #1 on the R&B chart (where the album would produce a further Top 15 hit with “Why You Wanna Treat Me So Bad”). As a song, “I Wanna Be Your Lover” displays many of the hallmarks of Prince songs of the period: funky beats, love-dripping lyrics, and a hard-to-believe falsetto.
Give it a play and try not to dance.
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Until next Sunday!