The Forty-Fifth Question: Showing Up For Yourself
Getting into the how of self-love, after we investigated the what. Plus, it's a Prince Party!
What does it say that it’s often easier to think/write about the parts of ourselves that we dislike than those we love?
Anybody? Is that just me? Oop.
Well, it is certainly something I realized this week. Whereas Thunder Thighs was an easy answer for me to find, figuring out those parts of myself I would never give up took a bit more work. But here goes…
Answering the Question: More to Love
As much shame and embarrassment as I had talking about the part of myself I struggled with last week, I’m similarly struggling to come to this space to talk to you about those parts of myself I love.
Why is that? What makes it so challenging to take up space with my self-love? Is it an inner feeling that I don’t deserve to take up that space? Is it the belief that there is no redeeming part of me to feel that way about? Is it fear that with my vulnerabilities exposed, they’ll become someone else’s fodder? No, seriously, what is it…I’m asking. Did you think I had all the answers? I’m as clueless as the rest of ya. But I’m using this space to explore that as best I can for myself, and hopefully that supports you on your journey of discovery as well.
But back to the question.
So what is it about myself that I love, and that I’d never give up? A few things came to mind:
On my body, my hands and my calves. They’re my favorite parts of me. And maybe not as much recently, but people always used to tell me I could be a hand model (people meaning 1-2 people probably).
My friends and my community. Is that a physical or mental part of me? No, but it is a spiritual part of me, and I am who I am because of this community. We’re the sum/average of the people we spend time with, right? So if I lost any part of this recipe, I would lose a part of myself.
My delight in being myself. There’s no moment I could pinpoint as the turning point, but I just love being me. I enjoy being a curmudgeon, an aspiring activist, a yenta, a runner, a complainer, a host, a bit masculine, a bit feminine, a Prince obsessive…the whole megillah. All of these elements are what make me…me, and I wouldn’t give that up.
Now my job is to do my best to make sure I never forget these parts of me I love. Which brings us to Question #45.
The Forty-Fifth Question
Last week looked at the what of self-love. We focused on those parts of ourselves that we’d never give up, that we love and appreciate for making us who we are. But, as I heard from one journaler who wrote in, mimicking my own experience, it was a bit of a challenge because it’s not something we often stop to consider!
So with the what out of the way, let’s consider the how.
How do you show yourself love?
Whatever it is you appreciate about yourself, do you let yourself feel that once in a while? Do you let that part of you know? Use this week to ask yourself those questions, and to consider what that looks like, or could look like, for you.
Some other ways to investigate the topic:
If the answer to this prompt is that you don’t, why do you think that is? What’s one change you could make to try to start doing this?
How often do you do these practices? Is it part of a routine, or is it something you do in response to a trigger? Is that typically a positive or negative trigger?
Is this love performed privately or publicly?
Have you always shown yourself love in this way? What is the source of this love or practice? If it is something you’ve cultivated over time, reflect on that process and the learnings.
Community Notes
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This Week’s Jam: “Partyup”
This week’s Prince jam is “Partyup.”
The last track on his third album, Dirty Mind, “Partyup” is most famous for having been one of the songs Prince performed on a 1981 episode of Saturday Night Live, one of his first few performances on live TV (embedded below). The live video is actually incredibly difficult to find on YouTube, so the best I could do was a video of this guy doing a reaction video. I’m sorry, and enjoy.
“Partyup” is an absolute bop, but I love it more for its plot significance in the Prince canon. The song was originally written by Morris Day, who ended up trading Prince the track in exchange for future consideration in landing a record deal. When Prince was setting up The Time and the lead singer dropped out, Morris landed the job.
Price gets a song, and Morris gets the job that changes his life. How cool is that?
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I hope you’re enjoying this new format for Asking the Question! Be sure to drop a comment and let me know what you think. And if you really liked it, be sure to forward it to a friend or share it on social (and tag me, @JonathanJacobs89).