The Seventh Question: Whaddya Expect?
Unpacking the unsaid expectations we carry, and what it means to hold them.
Mutter the word “expectations” around me and my Millennial brain instantly pulls up archived clips of MADtv’s “Lowered Expectations” sketch. Why those are stored there? No idea. I was never a MADtv devotee, but from 11PM - 11:30PM every Saturday night, for those thirty minutes before SNL would start, I would tune in for a few laughs. This is just one of those bits that lodged itself in my memories.
Before I dive into this week’s prompt, a quick ask: where do you get your journals? I’m going to need a new one soon and looking to try a new brand. Let me know where/who you shop in the comments! Not really any guardrails here, but I prefer something lined, in the 3”x5” size range, and colorful (or, at least not just black, white, and/or gray).
Now, speaking of journals…
What are we gonna fill our pages with this week?
What are your covert expectations?
This week’s prompt was inspired by something I read in Vienna Pharaon’s book, The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love. And if I remembered what it is I read that prompted this I’d tell you, but I wrote this down in my Notes app without any page number to reference, so we’ll all have to live with the mystery (I’ll see if I can find it for Friday).
What is a covert expectation? You can let it be whatever you like, but I consider covert expectations to be those beliefs, forecasts, assumptions or projections about behaviors, situations, or people that we subconsciously/unknowingly hold. Often, we only find out about them when they’re unmet. Rarely do we recognize them when they are satisfied, as that means the situation played out as we anticipated, thus there’s no deviation from the norm to note, in either a positive or negative direction.
Let’s look at a few different ways to dive in this week:
Can you identify what your covert expectations are? If not, how do you think you might be able to?
Can you recall a time where you had a (covert) expectation that was met or unmet? How did it make you feel?
Can you identify the covert expectations of your partner/friend/roommate/child/etc.? How do you feel knowing what they are?
Recall a time you didn’t meet someone else’s covert expectations. How did that situation play out? What did you learn from it?
When you realize someone has not met your covert expectations, what do you do about it?
How do you think you can get a better handle on your covert expectations? On communicating them?
Drop a Line
If you ever want to share something that one of our questions has brought up for you, just drop me an email or a DM with your story.
And always feel free to hop in the comments below. I’d love to take some of your journaling prompts for future editions!
A Parting…Something
Two friends and I (and one baby) have started a fun new practice: meeting every so often for brunch + a (new) bookstore.
Last week we visited one that we’d been discussing popping over to for a while, Octavia’s Bookshelf in Pasadena. Yes, it’s named for writer Octavia E. Butler.
If you’re in the area, I definitely recommend a visit. None of us left empty-handed. In addition to a Prince devotional candle, I grabbed a copy of Hijab Butch Blues.
But my favorite part of the store is the genre section titles. Just check these out. Hysterical.
My three favorites:
You Think You Grown: Young Adult
Who Made the Potato Salad: Cookbooks
What Had Happened Was…:Biography
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Have a great week readers, and see you Friday!