The Seventy-Third Question: Getting Uncomfy
Last night I stepped outside my comfort zone.
Y’all, do I lie?
I do not.
I told you all it was going to be a few months of inconsistent prompts from me, and boy, have I delivered. It’s been a month since we’ve talked about journaling! While I may still miss one more weekend coming up, I had some time today and at least wanted to be back in touch to keep you (and me) honest about our journaling practices!
Before we get into this week’s prompt and quasi-reflection, I want to remind you: VOTE. Next Tuesday, November 5, is Election Day here in the USA and it’s critically important that you go vote and make your voice heard. Use I Will Vote to check your eligibility status, find your polling place, and more! As a vote-by-mail voter, I’ve already sent in my ballot here in California!
Question #73
Typically, I kick these posts off with a share on what the previous prompt brought up for me in my journaling. I'm flipping the script this week, both because it’s been a while since the last prompt and because something that happened last night inspired this week’s question.
From my previous writings, you may recall that I’m a runner (having completed the Los Angeles Marathon this year). However, if you don’t follow me on Instagram, you might not know that I’m part of a run club here in LA called Keep it Run Hundred. Keep It is an amazing group, and has given me a fitness family here in Los Angeles. That’s something I really value.
This past weekend, I had the chance to support 18 of my friends as they ran the No Shortcuts race from Santa Monica to San Diego. It’s an unsanctioned road race that is primarily down the PCH with amazing views (and lots of hills). Serving as a crew member, I drove one of our sprinter vans, navigated, brought insane vibes (and plenty of wigs), and pinch-hit for a few of our runners when they needed a break. Will I do it next year? Maybe. It was an awesome time.
But what I wanted to reflect on today was something that happened last night, just a few hours before we began driving back to Los Angeles (we stayed in San Diego for the weekend after arriving).
Some stage setting: the race organizers secured a room block at a massive hotel property for us. They knew there was a big party coming in. Now, did they know we would all have big ole vans? Maybe not. But once they started seeing folks arrive, they certainly did, and unfortunately, they only had limited outdoor parking space and a low-ceiling garage. When we arrived at about 3:30 AM on Saturday morning, this meant we were told to park in some of the few available outdoor spaces, which were signed as 20-minute guest spots. Okay.
We left the vehicles there for most of the weekend, except when a few of us went out to dinner Saturday and took a van. After doing so, I came back with a friend (we’ll call her Kara) and took a nap before accompanying her back out with a massive sprinter van to pick up friends of ours from a concert. Now, here comes the story.
I had to run into the garage to move one of our smaller vehicles, and when I came back out I saw Kara was a) struggling to park and b) being accosted by a security guard (yelling from his car) who said she couldn’t park there. Again, this was after this van had been parked there, on and off, for 24 hours.
It was a tense scene and moment. This was a black woman driving, being yelled at by a white security guard at 12 in the morning. Nobody needed this situation. When I pulled up next to the driver’s side door of the van, I asked her what she wanted to do (the guard was going to make us move the van at least a quarter-mile from the hotel entrance), and she made it clear she wanted to park here and be done with it. And before I knew it, I snapped into a defensive mode.
For about five minutes, I debated with this power-hungry night guard. In the end, he relented, and we kept the space. I like to think it was because of the moment I asked him, “What about all these vans, then?” and motioned to the vans surrounding us in these spots, looking like this meme.
The point of this isn’t so much about the situation as it is the fact that I chose to engage in confrontation. As soon as it was over, I realized how unlike me that was. Typically, I would try to negotiate the solution or even just outright appease the guy who is just there “doing his job.” But last night I didn’t. I stood up for what I/my friend needed, and, it should be reiterated, had previously given access to by hotel management.
And I’m proud of myself for this! I didn’t avoid confrontation, I stepped into it. I didn’t try to force compromise; I looked out for what I, and a friend, needed, and I didn’t flinch or hesitate. While I may come off as a black-and-white person with a strong sense of right and wrong, one that I’m willing to go to war over, I’m typically conflict-avoidant. I don’t want things to escalate, I want to avoid tension…I just want peace. Not last night, though.
But why? Maybe it was because I was exhausted and it was midnight, but I just was not going to have this! I just needed to get my head to the pillow and pass out, and this man was standing in my way. Maybe all the self-work I’ve been doing lately has taught me to honor my needs better first. Consider that just a few hours before I bailed on a team outing to a Wale concert because I knew my body wouldn’t have it! Sticking to that truth for myself perhaps allowed me to stick to my own needs in that moment of discomfort.
I have a lot more to unpack about this episode, and that brings us to this week’s journaling prompt.
When was the last time you did something that made you uncomfortable?
Consider:
Did you know it would be uncomfortable before the moment began, or did you only realize that once it had started?
Did you notice that discomfort in the moment or only after it had passed?
What did that discomfort feel like for you? What senses were activated?
Would you expose yourself to this situation again?
What did this experience teach you about yourself?
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You know what I’ll be journaling about, time to get to yours.
Will do my best to get you a prompt again next Sunday!