The Sixty-Third Question: What's In Your Utility Belt?
Exploring the tools we use to take care of ourselves.
Finally back in your inbox with a proper reflection. Let’s get to it!
Answering the Question
Last week’s question was about our inner narrative and critic. The things we tell ourselves about…ourselves. Specifically, those moments when we are more critic and less champion.
I wish I could say it was a challenge for me to reflect on this prompt…and it some ways it was! In one way because many of the default narratives I could think of have been quieted with time and work. Specifically, those relating to my body. In another way it was a challenge because, well, I had to silence the same critic every time I surfaced it. But it’s important to look the beast in the face sometimes, isn’t it.
As for what I discovered when I looked at myself this week:
I’m too hard on myself when I write, like this blog. It’s an area where I feel my perfectionism turning up. Every sentence needs to be Proust-like. Every word choice memorable, every punctuation perfectly in place. In the pursuit of that I a) neglect to get all my thoughts on paper and b) criticize myself for my rough draft, when it’s meant to be just that, rough! As a part of my writing practice this has been something I’ve been working on for a while. When the thoughts come up, I write them down in a separate note so they’re thoughts I can consider when I go back to edit the document…that’s if I even remember those notes exist!
I’m too hard on myself for my productivity. Not in the capitalist sense, but in the life sense. At the end of several days, months, and years, I’ve kicked myself for “not making the most of my time.” My narrative assumption, often formed in response to something I read somewhere or saw on someone’s Instagram, is that they did a lot and I did nothing. A perfect collaboration between the harms of social media and my inner critic. Doing this refuses me the chance to see my own truth, which is that…I do a lot! Now my task is to better capture that. Journaling is a piece of that. Another is that, at the end of every day, I update my calendar with what I did when. It’s a helpful way to actually see how I’ve spent my time and let’s me end the day with an appreciation for what I’ve done, rather than exhaustion.
In light of the above, I discovered that so much of that voice comes from a place of comparison. They ran a faster 5K than me, I didn’t train hard enough. His business earned more revenue than me this year, I’m a failure. Her house is cleaner than mine, I’m a mess. Likely, I’m not unique in having an inner critic that is lit up by the actions of others. In realizing that I was reminded of an important bit of training advice that got me through the LA Marathon: run your own damn race! All that matters to me is what I’m doing, not what they’re doing. Nobody is owed an explanation, nor do I owe myself an explanation of what I’m doing relative to them. It’s not easy, but I’m getting there!
The Sixty-Third Question
If you follow me on Instagram or TikTok, you may have noticed my content series for June, which is #MensMentalHealthAwarenessMonth. Well, it’s not so much as a series as it is, just, content. But one of my posts was about my mental healthcare toolkit, so this week I want you to think about yours.
What tools are a part of your mental healthcare kit?
What do these tools do for you?
How often are you deploying these tools?
In the trial and error to find them, what did you learn?
Is there anything to be learned from the fact that these are your tools and others aren’t?
This Week’s Jam: “I Wish U Heaven”
A subtle, stripped-down ballad, this is “I Wish U Heaven”.
I could wax on about it, but I just want to let you experience the full, 3-part version of this song. Make what you will of it.