Answering the Question: My Source of Pride

Diving deep to determine if my pride comes from internal or external motivation, and a look at my latest reads.

Ugh. I hate to admit it but I finally got back into the routine of morning workouts and my days are so much better because of it.

Pre-pandemic I was a regular for 6AM or 7AM classes at my gym in New York. With the complete flexibility that WFH afforded, I gave up that practice for more mid-day and early evening exercise. Consistency became an issue as it was a lot easier to find an excuse to skip a workout (this meeting, that appointment, my feet hurt, etc.) when you didn’t get it out of the way to start the day.

This week I pledged to switch up my routine and…I haven’t skipped a day, and my morning energy levels are back up where they once were. Proud of myself for making the change for me and for my body.

Hey…wait…wasn’t that?

Yea, it was.

Write about a time you felt really proud of yourself for something you accomplished.

Answering the Question:

Hopefully, this prompt brought you some warm and fuzzies this week. It allowed you to pause and celebrate yourself and your own greatness. I know it helped me find some gratitude for myself and my journey.

Something I discovered through this exploration is that my pride is internally driven. You may recall the first supplemental question I gave this week was about whether or not the activity in question involved external or internal recognition. Did you feel proud of yourself because of the recognition you received from others, or because of something you recognized about yourself?

My process began by listing out 7-10 of the times I felt a sense of pride recently. After doing so, I reviewed the list and observed that most of these events could be put into one of two buckets. They represented times I either tried new things (like when I had to sew a pillow case a few weeks ago, or started teaching myself chess online), or when I honored myself in interactions with others (enforcing a boundary, sharing my feelings).

The former sources of pride certainly feel good, but it’s the latter that really gave me something to think about. These are the moments that are hard and uncomfortable, that feel like they carry serious risk (if I lose an online chess game and nobody is in the room to see it, did I really lose an online chess game?), and that often weigh us, or at least me, down.

And, of course, a lot of the reason I’m proud of that is because these moments are the times when I’m breaking my habits of being a people-pleaser. Of unlearning the idea that I have to make my needs small in an effort to protect a relationship. Of unlearning the idea that my needs should be secondary. Of unlearning the idea that standing up for myself will lead to relationship-ending or destroying outcomes.

That last bit leans into one of the most important lessons I’ve been able to take away from journaling this week. In all of these moments, I carried an extreme fear of loss, either reputational or relational. Unsurprisingly, none of those fears came to bear, a reminder that I’m surrounded by kind and compassionate people. But also a teachable moment for me: the worst will not always happen, and if it does, perhaps it is because the situation was not in my best interests. Then, that loss is really a gift, and you should be grateful to yourself for exposing it, as painful as it might have been. One step back to take two steps forward.

Drop a Line

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And always feel free to hop in the comments below. I’d love to take some of your journaling prompts for future editions!

Something for the Weekend

After 2.5 years in LA I finally had the chance to visit the LA Times Festival of Books last weekend. This was the first in-person Festival since 2019! Had the chance to hear from Laura Dern and Diane Ladd on their new mother-daughter book, Honey, Baby, Mine, and meet several other authors who were on-site.

Here’s a look at my haul.

Right now I’m about halfway through a read of the fourth book down, The Man They Wanted Me To Be by Jared Yates Sexton. More memoir than I expected, but a well-paced read thus far. Planning to dive into The Last Days of Roger Federer next, and then Elite Capture.

Jump in below and let me know what you’re reading. Let’s share some recs!

See you Sunday friends!

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