The Fifty-First Question: What is "Good," Really?
We throw around terms like "good friend" and "best friend" quite a bit, but what do they mean to us?
I think the world would be a better place if the cast members of Love is Blind had to do our February journaling prompts, don’t you? My gosh, what a dumpster fire of people this season. I’m convinced the producers need to have a therapist do pop-up video style commentary on what takes place during the show so viewers can clearly understand the rights and wrongs. Hot mess express. Here’s hoping they see this and click below to subscribe.
But I’ve given them more real estate than they deserve.
Answering the Question: Soulmates, are they for real?
No!
Sorry, I just cannot believe that soulmates are a thing. On a planet with almost eight billion people, it is entirely unbelievable that everyone has exactly one person for them, and that it’s possible for them to find each other (be born in the same country, speak the same language, travel to the same city, etc.).
Part of the problem I have with soulmates is that it removes free will from the equation. If we are destined to be together, if we are the only match for one another, then it a) takes away our agency and b) gives permission for regressive behavior change (because we are supposed to be together no matter what). No, I believe love is an active choice, not a forgone conclusion. You choose to wake up every day and fall in love with someone anew. To give them a certain version, hopefully the best version, of yourself. To work together at building a life.
With that, I also don’t believe the connection most people call soulmates is reserved only for romantic love. Spiritual connection (twin flame energy?) can come in romantic or platonic love. The idea that only one person in the world can truly get you? Understand you? That seems awfully scary, awfully lonely, to me. We should all aspire to spiritual-level connections with as many people as we can, or at least desire to.
And what happens when one of you in a “soulmate” connection dies? Do you not pursue love? If you do, are you acknowledging this person is just a “best remaining option” since they are not your soulmate? Was the time before, with your previous partner, a waste? And aren’t you now just proving that love is something we choose to pursue and enjoy, and that we can enjoy deep, meaningful connections with a plethora of people?
Listen, lot of questions I have. What’s your take?
The Fifty-First Question
Men are not okay. You’ve seen the headlines that talk about regressive economic trends, record rates of depression and suicide, and so much more. A problem at the core of this? Men are lonely. As research has found, “Thirty years ago, a majority of men (55%) reported having at least six close friends. Today, that number has been cut in half, according to survey data. And 15% of men reported having no close friendships at all, a fivefold increase since 1990.”
Is correlation causation? Not always, but in this case I’m willing to push all my chips into the center of the table and say that it actually is. Men are lonely, and whether it’s the trigger or just a step in the feedback loop that has pushed men to the brink, it is a contributing factor.
We all need friends, and it’s clear men are struggling to find those nowadays. So let’s spend the month trying to understand what friendship means to us.
What does it mean to be a good friend?
It’s a phrase we throw around a lot, but what do we mean when we say that? Consider:
How has what it means to be a good friend changed for you over time?
Does the definition of a good friend vary based on the relationship with the person?
How do you communicate when someone falls short of this? Do they get a second chance?
What has shaped this definition for you? What experiences, media, or conversations?
Personally, I’m really looking forward to exploring what this reveals in me.
This Week’s Jam: “Let’s Work”
Recently I’ve been diving into the re-release of Prince’s album 1999 as a part of my marathon training playlists. Specifically Disc 5, which has the recording of a live concert in Detroit from 1982. The set list includes “Let’s Work”, the second single from Controversy.
Originally titled “Let’s Rock”, a reference to a popular dance in Minneapolis at the time, Prince would re-work the lyrics to create “Let’s Work” after delays from Warner Brothers prevented a timely release. No bother though, this song still boasts a stimulating bass line that ensured this tune would find its way to the dance floor. Try not to let it move you, and see you next week!