The Forty-Eighth Question: Love to Love Me
Thinking about how we can create more moments of love for ourselves.
Hey friends!
Hope you all enjoyed (maybe even loved?) our first prompt for February and our exploration of love. Writing this week’s brief on Friday, as I head down to Mexico to celebrate my girlfriend’s birthday. Seems like as good a time as any to send you our next prompt on love. But first, a reflection.
Answering the Question: When I Feel Loved
It was difficult for me to crack open the door to find the answer to this week’s prompt. For sure, this is not something I’ve thought about before. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
When someone cooks a meal for me. There’s something about a plate of food that feels like a piece of someone. They put their energy and sweat into it. Their thought about what I’d like, and decide to put their time and resources into making that a reality for me. Food itself never has much meaning for me, but it’s that act of prioritizing my hunger and my tastes that feels so meaningful for me.
Getting meaningful mail. If you know me, there’s a good chance you’ve been lucky enough to receive a handwritten note or card from me in the mail. If you haven’t, maybe check your mailbox (apparently people don’t do that much anymore…not me). I love sending mail. Letting people know I was thinking about them, that I value them, and how I love and appreciate them? Sign me up. Getting that in return? Oh, knocks me right on the floor. I can’t imagine anything greater. I don’t think I’ve ever thrown out a card someone sent me, and I never will (I will).
When I get a hug. It just feels good!
Being acknowledged for my effort. Rarely do I half-ass things (maybe making the bed). To be seen by someone for that is an incomparable feeling for me. Judged for my attempt, and not my outcome.
When people donate to the causes and organization I support or am raising money for. Doing that shows not only that they’re willing to support me (and the issue I’m championing), but that they’re willing to support me with their resources and attention. I don’t take that likely. It means they have a lot of trust and faith in me and my ability to select organizations and causes that matter, and I feel that. That love is a meaningful responsibility for me.
When someone subscribes to Asking the Question, free or paid (but with paid I can put a real dollar value on their love and who doesn’t want that?).
The common thread? This really supports the existing understanding I have of Acts of Service as my primary love language. Donating money, signing up, cooking…they all require an investment of resources and action from the person emitting love. Even a hug is an act of service (even if it comes with some personal touch).
What came up for you this week? When do you feel loved? I’d love to know! (And comments always make me feel loved.)
The Forty-Eight Question
With the knowledge of what you just learned about yourself, we move into this week’s prompt.
How can you replicate those experiences to create more moments of love for yourself?
I imagine that many of you, like me, find that feeling love begins with an interaction with another person. Of course, this makes sense. We experience love by being loved.
But the other component of love is self-love. Maybe you have a practice for this already, but maybe you don’t. So this week let’s use what we learned last week, about how we feel and experience love, to try to create more moment of love for ourselves.
Take any particular example you came up with, is there a way you can do this without someone else and experience the same result?
Separate the specific activity from the type, is there an alternative practice that would lead to a similar outcome?
If your sources of love are all internal, how can you ask for these moments to be recreated with your community?
This Week’s Jam: “Slow Love”
Taking another slow jam from Prince this week, one even slower than our hit from last week.
Slow love, off the Sign O’ The Times album, is one of the rare songs performed by Prince that wasn’t also written by him. Instead, this was penned by Carole Davis. Do I know anything else about her? No.
On the album this song goes head-to-head with “Adore” as the true lovey-dovey power ballad. While Adore is sexy, this song is…gorgeous. Credit that to the strings section, which add an interesting bit of elegant softness to the track. “Adore” is the song I’d play for a date. “Slow Love” is a song I’d play for a wedding dance.
Enjoy, and see you next week!