The Forty-Sixth Question: I’m Indebted To Me
Reflecting on the ways we show ourselves love and compassion, and considering how we honor the person we were on the way to becoming the person we aim to be.
Well this past week’s prompt might have been one of the hardest yet for me. I fought off distraction, writer’s block, and the blank page in pursuit of getting to my answers and reflections. And in the end I was left with…a blank page.
Let’s get into it.
Answering The Question: What Does This Even Look Like?
Like I said earlier this week, our previous prompt was about the what of self-love, the things we love about ourselves. This week focused on the how. What does it look like to nurture and celebrate those things? In the process I learned that I really had no idea what that meant or looked like. To the point where I had to…
…Google it.
Seriously. How do I show myself love? I can’t even begin to tell you what I thought that looked like. Saying affirmations? Posting thirst traps? I don’t know about you, but the idea of showing yourself love, if not uncomfortable, felt, at the very least, foreign to me. An act of celebration and centering I’m not accustomed to. Even if it’s something that I’m proud of about myself, it doesn’t feel right or appropriate to outwardly proclaim that.
But my confusion paved the way for a deeper understanding. As I read through the words of other, more seasoned writers on the subject, my perception of self-love changed. Self-love is not self-promotion. It’s not (always) declaring to the world what you feel, but it’s about making the space for yourself to simply be. To show yourself kindness. To make yourself feel seen, feel cared for. It’s more about what goes on inside, not outside.
Aha!
With that frame of mind, I could begin to recognize some of the ways I show myself love, even if that’s not what I considered myself to be doing:
Freeing myself from perfection - giving myself permission to be less than, a work in progress, make mistakes, learn, grow, fail, and accept my best effort, rather than the best. As my dear friend Lina says, you don’t have to have all the answers to be in pursuit of hope and healing.
Saying no and revoking my yes - As I write this I’m in New York, sitting in bed having cancelled some plans for the day. Typically when I come to New York I fill my schedule with plans that keep me out for 12+ hours at a time. When it’s time to leave town, I’m exhausted and on the cusp of illness. I can’t keep pushing myself like this. Rescinding a yes or saying no isn’t a reflection of my opinion of a friend, but a way for me to care for myself. Good friends will recognize that.
Practicing focus - You might recall that my word of the year for 2024 is focus. Giving myself the gift of attention to my activities and being in the moment is self-love. Doing so paves the way for showing up more fully, better memorializing the moment, and enriching the experience I’m having.
Leading with my values - For too long I honored the idea that you could bifurcate a professional and personal self. It gives me great pleasure to say I no longer believe that, and breaking that wall has been, and continues to be, a critical part of my growth. I show up as the same person in every arena in which someone encounters me.
The Forty-Sixth Question
Welcome to question forty-six, the last question of January. This month in we focused on New Year, Same You. In the spirt of being the same you, we’re putting past you front and center this week.
What does new you owe old you?
I grappled with whether or not to share this question. Mostly because I wasn’t sure if this kind of question tethered us too much to our past selves, rather than looking forward. Put your current self carries your past self so, well, here we are.
How to get into it? Consider:
What are you trying to do to heal your inner child?
What goals that you’ve set for yourself reflect things you’ve intended to do, failed to do, or regularly done in your past?
How will doing whatever it is you owe your past self impact future you?
Is this a positive or negative debt?
How will doing whatever this is help you on your journey of becoming?
This Week’s Jam: “Private Joy”
Because I mostly grew up in the era of MP3/iTunes/streaming, listening to classic albums in their entirety was a rare experience for me. Of course I did that for the CDs I bought as a kid, but most of my exposure to the music released before my time was through radio and greatest hits albums. In those cases, I wasn’t hearing Dark Side of the Moon straight through.
That’s why, even now, I’m still discovering Prince songs that are new to me.
Enter “Private Joy”.
I owe Spotify Daily Mixes for this discovery. Even though most of them end up being a) similar and b) regurgitations of the same iterations of songs I already listen to, one of them recently included this Prince jam. I was befuddled. How had I never heard this before? It’s so good!
“Private Joy” is the lead track on the second side of Controversy, and was released as the B-Side of “Do Me, Baby.”
In thinking about what I wanted to write about this song, I realized I couldn’t put it much better than Tora Borealis did in her 500 Prince Songs essay on “Private Joy”:
On the surface Private Joy isn’t a huge departure from anything found on the previous two albums…But if you look closer Prince has a whole new toolkit at his disposal. Firstly there’s the trademarked, anguished scream, a calling card that’s used all over Controversy and kept in the bag ever since. Then there’s the angsty guitar feedback that drenches the final minute…introduced is Prince’s first use of the Linn drum, the machine that subsequently went on to power the majority of his 80s’ output. And finally there’s the dual interpretative nature of the lyrics which either see Prince being possessive over a girlfriend or singing a masturbatory ode…If you go the low road the only option is to assume it’s the name Prince gives to his Little Prince. I’m inclined to tread the second path and I can only send my sincere apologies to Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.
Also, LaToya Jackson apparently did a cover?!
-
HEY, a quick plug before I go.
This is the last week to sign up to Asking the Question as a paid subscriber before the expiration of our New Year’s deal. Again, it’s not required, but definitely appreciated. Plus you’ll get access to this February’s Mental Note, dropping on Friday!