The Sixty-Seventh Question: Dreaming Big
Figuring out what our big plans and ideas are, and how we're going to get there.
Answering The Question
Now back from my trip to Poland, which inspired this week’s prompt, I’m continuing to grapple with this idea of legacy and what it means to me.
My root belief is this: I don’t care about legacy, and I think caring about legacy drives selfish decision-making.
Before unpacking what that means exactly, and what I do care about, it’s interesting to share where I can attribute the origin of this belief to: Jameela Jamil. Yes, that Jameela Jamil, the one from The Good Place.
In 2019 I had the chance to see Jameela in conversation with Ashley C. Ford at 92Y. The conversation, ostensibly to promote S4 of The Good Place, ended up focusing much more on Jameela’s activism and body image platform (I Weigh). Don’t ask me any specifics on what was discussed, because the only thing I can remember is Jameela’s thoughts on legacy: that it doesn’t matter, and it’s bullshit.
Now, maybe I’m paraphrasing and maybe I’m not (I am), but her point resonated with me. In a summation that’s part her belief and part mine, the stance can best be summed up as suggesting that our focus on legacy doesn’t actually drive us towards the noble goals we believe it does. The problem manifests twofold:
We don’t act from a place of considering what must be done, but rather how what we do will be perceived, both now and in the future.
Instead of pursuing collective good, the pursuit of legacy can quickly become the pursuit of personal gain (wealth, impact, resources, accomplishment).
Said differently, the focus on legacy can sometimes result in doing more harm than good.
Beyond that, I’ve realized that I also have a bias against “legacy orientation.” Being remembered in the future is a goal that you can’t actually realize. Why? You will be dead. So once you’re dead, what does it matter? Let the people who are still around go on with their lives, not live in your past. Allow them to exist in their present. Of course, easier said than done. Especially because this means thinking about the one think so many of us avoid grappling with: death. I’m convinced all this talk of legacy is actually in pursuit of immortality. We fear death so deeply that, even knowing our physical body will be gone, we want to do our best to live forever through legacy/memory.
Forever? Sounds exhausting to me.
Instead of thinking about what people might say about me 10 months, 5 years, or 5 decades into the future, what I choose to worry about is my impact. While legacy and impact might seem like comparable terms in this discussion, I would posit that they lead to different types of decision-making. While legacy leads to some of what I’ve discussed above, focus on impact encourages us to consider the outcomes of our decisions in the here-and-now. What feeling am I leaving people with? What good have I done for my community? How have I treated those who worked for me? Considering those questions puts a consideration of impact first-and-foremost in our thinking.
So that’s what I choose to concern myself with, my impact. Maybe an idea I share in this blog leads to a paradigm shift for someone reading this. And maybe they tell a friend. And that friend tells a friend. Or maybe something I say at the bar leads someone to change the way they act in life (like the time I, incidentally, got a friend to quit vaping). These aren’t actions we think about in the shaping of legacy, but they are actions with impact. An impact that can resonate far downstream, and long after I’m gone. To me, that’s legacy.
The Sixty-Seventh Question
A few weeks ago we looked at our word for the rest of 2024. As I told you, mine is EXECUTE. Now, I want to encourage you to look at what you’re choosing this word, this focus, in support of.
What are some of the things that you are looking forward to in your life, and how do you plan to work towards them?
How will you be able to track progress towards these? Are you currently?
Where does this desire/dream come from? Can you trace the origin?
What do you believe will happen when you have/realize/experience these things?
How would you feel if you never reached or realized these things?
If your current plan doesn’t work, what could some alternatives be?
If you realize these, what next?
This Week’s Jam: “319”
Is this one of my favorite Prince songs? No, but it is A Prince song, so it fits the bill. This is “319”.
So why share a track that’s not one of my favorite when I still have so much at my disposal from his discography? Because it allows me to share one of my favorite Prince trivia nuggets: “319” was the song Elizabeth Berkley performed to in the infamous film Showgirls. In fact, Prince has said (in a 1997 chat hosted by AOL, enjoy that bit of nostalgia) the song was, itself, inspired by Berkley.
One of my party facts, and now it can be one of yours.
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Heads up - you might not hear from me next Sunday, or it might be delayed if you do. On July 21 I’ll be celebrating my birthday so I’ll try to schedule something out in advance, but no promises! Expect some news about Asking the Question in the near future though.
Until then, don’t forget to subscribe!