The Seventy-Sixth Question: You Giveth, and You Taketh Away
Considering the Quid Pro Quo of Community
And back here with my community, to discuss community. This week we’re recapping Questions #74 and #75. Before I do, Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you enjoy the holiday week however it is you observe. Here’s Luna in her seasonal sweater to bring a smile to your face this Sunday.
Answering the Question(s)
Community. It’s a word we throw about with abundance right now. Brands all try to build their own. Influencers invite you to join theirs. Experts ask us to join them to heal our nation’s loneliness crisis.
But what does community actually mean? What does it look and feel like? What we know is that simply being in space with people is not community. Showing up to the same event, being a fan of the same team, working at the same office…those things are affiliation, but they are not community. If they were, we wouldn’t be hearing so much about the aforementioned loneliness epidemic.
Defining community begins as a universal exercise but quickly branches out into a personal one. At it’s core, and a purpose I think we all believe, is that community is a space to be seen, and to be care for and be cared for. How those manifest for you and in your communities may vary, but ultimately we are talking about the group of people who make up your “home outside the home.”
Beyond that, it’s up to you. But I can tell you what it means to me…
Community is a space for vulnerability. A space in which you can reveal all parts of yourself, should you choose to, and know that they will be met with care and acknowledgment. Of course, that doesn’t mean they will not be challenged or interrogated.
Community is a space where your intent is still considered if you acknowledge and repair your impact. Community holds you accountable but also allows you to amend.
Community is a space you can go to for healing when you are hurting, where you can be heard and held.
Community has no uniform size. Three people can be a community, but so can three hundred (and there can be sub-communities within that!).
Community is neither permanent nor static. Communities can dissolve or reshape themselves anytime, should the members align on it.
Communities do not have to have a shared goal or common purpose. They’re as simple as a group of people getting together over a cup of coffee.
Communities should not be homogenous. Diversity is the hallmark of a good community. Of background. Of opinions. Of experiences. Of everything.
Community is not a stable of sycophants nor a circle of castigators but a roundtable of realists.
So if that is what I, and maybe you, are in search of, how do we build that? How do we create community?
Truthfully, I’m not sure I know the answer to that, and it feels like something I am always in search of. Would love for you to jump into the comments below and tell me your thoughts on this to see how y’all approach the project of community.
But some of the thoughts I had.
Building community begins by assuming community. It’s sort of like the idea that if you want to make someone your friend, you start by acting as if they already are. Greet them with warmth and openness, enthusiasm and joy. The same way you would an old friend.
You also can’t expect someone to meet that energy from you right off the bat. If you want to get close to them, assume closeness. But do not assume that a) they will assume that of you and b) closeness means the same to them. Prepare to navigate uncertainty and differing approaches to relationship building. The best way to do that? Announce your intentions.
Building community also requires a mindset of abundance and not scarcity. If we assume things (any thing really) are limited, then we are disinclined to share it, from attention to money to our groceries. An abundance mindset will help give you an open posture towards others and a willingness to share, a hallmark of community.
And remember that to build community you have to show up to…build community. Your presence and energy will impact how others show up and participate themselves. Simply showing up is not enough, it’s the how that matters.
What do you make of it all?
Question #76
Let’s stick with the theme of community for another week.
What have you contributed to your community? What have you taken from it?
How do you think these contributions have impacted the community?
What have you learned about yourself through contributing to your community?
Are there any contributions you wish you had made but didn’t? Why?
What’s one thing you’d like to contribute that you haven’t yet?
Do you feel like you’ve taken more than you’ve given, or vice versa? Why?
What’s the most valuable thing you’ve gained from this community—tangible or intangible?
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See you next week, and sorry for the one day delay!